Thursday, February 16, 2012

Play At Home Mom?

Maybe it's this gloomy, cold, drizzly weather, but I'm a little down on myself today.  That's not to say that I'm in need of comments or texts saying, "Oh! You're the best mom ever!" because I know that I'm not, and most of the time, I'm okay with that.

I've been searching Pinterest lately for toddler activities.

I feel like since Saul was born, I've always had this hang up of, "How do I play with him?"

Before he could sit up, I would be genuinely bored after five minutes of  dangling plastic keys in his face.  I thought it would be easier when he could sit up.  He sat up.  Then, he crawled.  Then, he walks.

I'm not saying that I don't know how to play with my son at all.  I do.  Every time I go out, I'm on the lookout for fun learning toys.  Books.  The kid loves books.  Stacking toys.  Playdoh.  Blocks.  Shape-sorting.  I've got it all.  I even try to keep it as non-sensory-overload as possible.  I love plain primary colored wooden toys.  Minimal plastics, lights, and noise-making items. Being a toddler, he plays with it for about 5 to 15 minutes, then he's on to the next thing, leaving a trail of mess for me to clean up.  That's fine.

I just see all these moms that come up with all these interesting things for their toddlers to do out of WEIRD stuff like Borax, corn starch, Elmer's Glue, et cetera.  I just have a hard time believing that Saul would sit down and engage for long enough.

He's not a big color-er.  I have tons of construction paper, modeling clay, crayons ... and he'd just rather draw with MY pen on MY to-do lists.

I know this is getting lengthy, but hear me out because I need help/ideas.

Another big part of it is that Saul is willing to play by himself.  I watch him.  He is so good at entertaining himself.  I almost feel like when I try to join him, he's gets thrown off.  I'll try to play Mega Blocks with him and he goes, "No, no, no," and he's taking them away from me because, obviously, he's got bigger plans for this oversized aqua lego.  It's fine.  I'm not like jealous or anything.  I just know that he wants me to just sit there and be with him.

A lot of Saul's personality is because of the way we raise him.  We have a lot of rules and guidelines.  There's a lot of yeses, but a lot of boundaries, too.

I work at home, and work has really picked up in the past year.  It's almost foreign to me if I DON'T have to sit at the computer all day.  Usually, the first day I don't have work, I'm trying to fit all my other motherly duties into the first 4 hours of the day because usually by about noon, I've already got another job assignment.  So those free hours are spent folding clothes, sweeping, mopping, and cleaning bathrooms.

This time last year, I had this dreamy idea in my head.  I was just sure that by the time Saul was 13/14 months, he was going to be like, a REAL toddler.  It was coming up on spring/summer, so the memory-making was ON.  I had pictures in my head of him helping me garden.  We would play with sidewalk chalk.  We'd go on lots of walks with the dog.  We'd hike and have picnics.  We'd go to the water park every other day.

Some of that happened; some did not.  Realistically, he wasn't old enough to enjoy some of those things.

Todd and I have already talked about me not working so much in the spring and summer this year for that same reason.  I'm just so apprehensive because I want Saul to really, REALLY enjoy being a kid.  I feel like when I have a chance to truly teach him and get him engaged, I force it or something.

I know he's not even 2 yet.  I know that he won't ever remember a specific day later in life from this particular period of time.  I just want to think that when I rock  him at night and he's sleepily laying in his bed, he's thinking something like, "Wow.  I'm so happy and sleepy and comforted.  I had such a good day today with my family.  I learned.  I played.  I had a great day."  You know?  I mean I know he's not really capable of thinking that comprehensively, but I just want him to be happy and fulfilled.

I think this whole post is all over the place.  I'm sorry about that.  I just want the best for my son, and even when I give it my best efforts to do what's best in the grand scheme for my family, Mom Guilt creeps up on you.

Tuesday, February 14, 2012


Dup is the word Saul uses for "Bird."  Or so I thought.  It's coming to my attention that it's the word he uses when he can't say something and wants to hush me up.  Haha.

So this weekend, we made the switch.  Big Boy car seat, y'all.  I was so nervous about it.  Then I found this cute one (Chevron Print!!) so it's okay.  It's a lot cuter with him in it.  See?

He is just getting TOO big.  I can't think about it too long.  He will be two in April.  I'm going to cry.

In other news, it was a nice, slow weekend.  I got to go shopping for Mom-fun things like a car seat and new bedding.  Seriously, I loved it.  But after my fifth and final stop of the day, I realized that I never really liked shopping THAT much.  When you have to go than many places, it doesn't matter whether you have a little one with you or not.  It's tiresome!! Thankfully, I was sans-baby.  Todd and Saul did some father/son bonding so I could face the 32-degree weather (WHAT?!?!) and just get it done.

I also had these videos laying around.  I'm so proud of my talker/singer/signer.  Enjoy!!!